How Far Can We Go?

Many Christians who don’t have sex before marriage have this attitude: “Let’s go as far as we can physically without having sex”. That is the wrong attitude. The question: How far can we go physically should not be asked. Don’t look for a line not to cross so you can get as close as you can without sinning. The goals should be to save as much as possible for marriage and to honor God in your relationship. One good basic principle to live by is to never let someone of the opposite sex to touch you in any area that a swimsuit would cover.

Questions That You Should Ask:

1.) Would this activity glorify and honor God?

2.) If I participate in this activity with a person of the opposite sex, will I have a hard time explaining to my future spouse about what I did with someone else?

3.)  Would my future husband or wife be hurt by the physical relationship I have with this guy or girl?

4.) What physical boundaries does God want me to have in my relationships with the opposite sex? You should pray about this.

5.) Am I giving too much of my heart away? See Emotional Purity.

If you are currently in a relationship, you should pray about what boundaries God want you to set and find some strong Christians preferably married couples who believe very strongly in purity who can keep you accountable. Ask them what they think about your physical relationship often.

Many women don’t realize how some of the physical things they do with guys can cause them to become aroused. One engaged guy shared that God convicted him that he should get out of the hammock with his fiancée because he was enjoying being close to her body and it caused him to have lustful thoughts.  Look at what Ephesians 5:3 says: But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.  Jesus said “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” in Matthew 5:28.  This is why you should set a lot of physical boundaries in your relationship.

I have a lot of respect for Rebecca St. James, a wonderful Christian singer who has spoken a lot about purity to young people. I appreciate her passion about this issue because immorality is so common among even strong Christians today.  She set some great boundaries in her relationships with guys including the fact that she would never lie down on a bed with a guy who she was not married to even if there was no sex at all. She feels that there is something sacred about the bed because of what Hebrews 13:4 says. Rebecca decided the first time she would lie down on a bed with a guy would be on her wedding night. She also made the decision that she would never be alone with a guy in a bedroom with the door shut or even be in a house alone with a guy who was just her friend. She talked in “Pure” Devotional about how she would not go to a single guy’s house alone to work on a song with him. She trusted him, but she wanted to avoid the appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22) and she didn’t want people to accuse her of not walking the talk about purity. Some people may think that those guidelines are silly, but they are great guidelines that strive to honor God and help you to stay pure. I personally will never be alone in a house with a guy even if he is a brother due to appearance of evil and false accusations. A number of years ago, I refused to be alone in a house with a childhood friend who is like a brother due to appearance of evil. I have made a decision that whenever I’m in a relationship with a guy that we will never be alone in a house due to appearance of evil and temptations. I desire to be a wonderful example of purity. Being alone in a house with someone you are dating is one of the most dangerous things you can do. Strong Christians are very vulnerable because they often think that they are too strong to fall to temptations.

Good Resources About Purity & How Far You Can Go:

How far can we go in touching each other?

How Far Is Too Far?

Guidelines For Sexual Purity