Why Do Many Strong Christians Fall To Sexual Temptation?

Alarmingly high rates of strong Christians have committed sexual sins outside marriage today. Many of those Christians made a commitment to save sex until marriage. Many of those Christians are missionaries, youth pastors, pastors, seminary students, bible study leaders, Sunday school teachers, etc. One strong Christian couple fooled around and the lady got pregnant.  It is certainly possible to get pregnant without going all the way and in rare cases with clothes on. Many strong Christians have fallen because they underestimated the power of sexual temptation and think they are too strong to fall.  Many of them don’t set boundaries or have an older Christian couple such as parents who keep them accountable.   Many of those Christians never thought that they would fall to sexual temptation.

God’s will for us is to overcome temptation, but it will cost us dearly, especially our pride. 1 Corinthians 10:12 warns us: “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” The first step in overcoming temptation is to beware of the attitude, “It couldn’t happen to me or we are confident that we are strong enough to not fall.”  1 Corinthians 6:18 warns us that we should flee from sexual immorality. It is easy for pride to convince us that we don’t really need to FLEE, and that this instruction is for weaker Christians. We mislead ourselves into thinking that instead of fleeing we can stroll away, looking back once in awhile, because we are strong enough to resist or flirt with temptation. Admitting that we need to flee takes real Christian humility. The strong Christians who are very confident that they won’t fall are most vulnerable.

One of the biggest problems in this generation is that it is very common for dating / engaged couples to spend time alone in a house because many single people get married later in life and they often live by themselves.  Most people lived with their parents until they were married over 30 years ago. It is not necessarily bad that people are getting married later today because God has used many single people’s singleness for His glory in a variety of ways.  Most Christians who committed sexual sin were alone in a house. You also should never be alone in a car or at another place in an isolated place where no one is around.  It is not wise to be alone with your girlfriend or boyfriend in a house even if you both don’t do anything inappropriate because it could ruin your reputation and testimony. You should abstain from all appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22).  There will always be at least one person who will wonder if you engage in premarital sex or inappropriate things if you spend some time alone with your boyfriend or girlfriend in a house or in an isolated place where no one is around.  Think about how hard it would be for teenagers to listen to a youth pastor about purity if he spends time alone with his girlfriend. A youth pastor should be the best example of purity and follow his talk about purity. Many dating teenagers who spend time in a house end up having sex. Think about how many unsaved people may be watching your girlfriend / boyfriend and wondering if you both are really following God’s plan for purity. You should take Ephesians 5:3 (But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people) to heart.  

You should strive to be the best witness for Christ and the best example of God’s plan for purity and that is why you should set important boundaries about staying pure.  The love of Christ should constrain you from doing something that will be damaging to your reputation and testimony.  2 Corinthians 5:14 - Whatever we do, it is because Christ's love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for everyone, we also believe that we have all died to the old life we used to live. 

FAQS About Being Alone Together in a House:

1.)  We are strong Christians who are very committed to saving sex until marriage and we are confident that we can be alone in a house without falling to temptation. We have been alone in a house many times and we have not fallen. Why should we not be alone in a house?  Don’t underestimate the power of sexual temptation. Many people have been alone in a house many times and then fell unexpectedly. The more you spend time alone in a house, the more likely you are to fall.  There are so many temptations in being alone in a house where no one is around and you should avoid being alone in a house for that reason.

2.)  Many single people live alone today so I feel that we cannot look at how things were 30-40 years ago and I think it is old fashioned for us to not be able to spend time alone in a house. You should never look at how things are today. It is certainly not old fashioned to make a commitment that you will not be alone with your boyfriend / girlfriend in a house.  This is an excellent way to honor your future spouse & God and to be the best example of purity.

3.)  I feel it is important for us to spend some time alone and have some privacy. How would we get our privacy if we were never alone in a house?  You can certainly have a lot of private conversations and “time alone” in a house with someone in another room and at restaurants, public parks, coffee shops, etc.

4.)  My girlfriend or boyfriend lives alone in another town that is far and I enjoy going to visit him/her when I can. I don’t know of any other place I could stay at. Why cannot I just spend time at her/his house as long as we sleep in separate beds? This is certainly not a good excuse. You should pay for a hotel or see if maybe you could stay with one of your girlfriend / boyfriend’s neighbors or someone from one of the local churches. Remember how there are a lot of temptations in being alone with your girlfriend or boyfriend in a house and how it could ruin your testimony for Christ.

5.)   I really enjoy going to my girlfriend or boyfriend’s house. Do you mean I cannot go to his / her house at all unless we get married? You definitely don’t have to give up going to his / her house as long as you could get at least one person to be present at all times while you are there. Think about how awesome it would be to invite an unsaved friend or family member to your house and letting them know that you both have made a commitment to not be alone in a house to strive to stay pure for marriage. 

6.)  If it could be guaranteed that we would never have sex or do anything inappropriate, why cannot we spend some time alone together in a house?  God’s word is very clear that you should abstain from all appearances of evil according to 1 Thessalonians 5:22. Most unsaved and Christian dating / engaged couples who spend time alone in a house end up having sex. You will always have at least one person who will suspect that you might be engaged in immoral activity.  It will be hard for people especially teenagers to see you as a good example of purity because they will wonder how you can stay pure with all of the temptations that often lead to sex and why you won’t  take the step in not being alone with no one around.  Don’t forget that unsaved people often watch Christians to see if they really follow their word.  There should not even be a hint of sexual immorality. Think about how being alone in a house with your boyfriend / girlfriend is a hint of possible sexual immorality. Make sure you think about Ephesians 5:3 that says “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”

Other Important Articles About Staying Pure:

How Far Can We Go?

Always Speak Boldly in Support of Abstinence Until Marriage

Benefits of Abstinence Until Marriage

Purity is Not Addressed Enough 

Marriage On God's Terms

The divorce rate among Christians is alarmingly high. It has been sad for me to watch a number of acquaintances and friends getting divorced over the years.  It was heartbreaking that one couple’s marriage ended in divorce after a few years. They had a Christ Centered wedding and one of the best weddings I attended. They rushed into marriage without thinking through some important things. The problem with many young people is that they rush into marriage without really getting to know each other well enough.  Many young people have this attitude: “If things don’t work out, we can always get a divorce”. This is contrary to God’s word. God makes it very clear that marriage is a lifetime commitment.  Look at some important verses below.

For I hate divorce,” says the LORD (Malachi 2:16)

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)

Many single people especially women become desperate as they get older if they are not married yet. I had the privilege of meeting Krissy Ludy, Eric Ludy’s sister at Set Apart Girl Conference in Colorado 3 years ago. She didn’t get married until she was 34. Check out her amazing story. She had a lot of pressures that she needed to find a husband because of her age, but she didn’t give in. I admire her for waiting on God’s timing.

I strongly recommend that married couples (to help single people in their lives), singles, pastors, and parents of young adults and teenagers read “12 Questions To Ask Before You Marry” By Clayton and Charie King. Chapter 9: Are You Compatible? is especially important.  I appreciate their bold statement on page 92: Just because you are in love with someone does not mean you are compatible with them.

My Personal Suggestions for Singles & People in Relationships:

1.) Don't become desperate for a mate. Just be patient and wait on God's timing. When you become desperate, you tend to lower your standards.

2.)  Be friends with the opposite sex first before you consider the possibility of marrying them. This is the best way for you to find out what the person is like.

4.) Before you get married, be sure that you go to premarital counseling with a godly pastor who has a strong marriage and believes that marriage is a lifetime covenant.

5.) Beware of a man/woman who starts going to church with you, but never really went to church before.

6.) Even if you have dated or courted someone for years, that doesn't necessarily mean he/she is the right one for you. Seek God's will on this.

7.) If you are in doubt about a relationship, you should pray about it and talk to a pastor or a godly couple who has been married for many years. Never dismiss your doubts.

Always Speak Boldly in Support of Abstinence Until Marriage

All Christians should always speak up boldly about how everyone should wait until marriage to have sex. I was very encouraged to learn that a Christian singer, Rebecca St. James recently spoke boldly about how important it is for people to wait until marriage to have sex on TV.  Check out the video of the discussion. It was so sad that Jay Thomas, the radio host said that when it came to sex before marriage, he doesn’t “buy a car before driving it first,” suggesting that not sleeping with your future spouse could lead to complications in marriage. 

It is so sad that Jay compares a potential spouse to an inanimate object. You can certainly not compare a car to a potential spouse. You should focus on getting to know a potential future spouse’s character without having sex and trust God’s will that it is best for you to wait until you are married to have sex.   Check out the benefits of abstinence until marriage.

I personally believe one of the reasons why so many young people are sexually active before marriage is due to all of the lies they hear from the media & the world about sex. I remember an incident when I was in high school that one high school student bragged about how he already had sex and how our interpreter spoke boldly about how she waited until she was married to have sex and that her husband was the only man she had sex with. I really appreciate her bold stand in a public school environment. We need more Christians to speak up boldly about staying pure.   Look to Tim Tebow and Rebecca St. James as good examples of bold Christians. Don’t be afraid to take a bold stand on purity even if you don’t receive much support. I believe that more young people would stay pure if more Christians would speak up boldly about the importance of saving sex for marriage.